The Choice is Yours
I find my life in a time of transition. This transition has been accompanied by the breadcrumbs that have been so easily seen like beacons while others seem to be hidden in the transition itself waiting to be uncovered.
My transition seems to be entwined with the two most important women in my life. I am writing of my mother and daughter. Both beautifully creative women who have taught me so much about me.
My mom experienced the greatest transition life has to offer when she passed away in July. During the last two years of her life, I was able to be her primary caregiver. During that time, she worked with and recognized what the final breadcrumbs of her life were. Hers were the ultimate beacons, as well as those waiting to be uncovered. The greatest breadcrumb is a look into what lies beyond.
At 88, mom had written her life story and was writing her last chapter. The last and final chapter that we got to share together she had experienced things in her life I can't even imagine. She lived through the depression, economic booms as well as economic recessions. She was married for 63 years before my dad passed away. She raised four children, walked beside my dad as he started a business and when my siblings and I were grown she started her own business. During this time when mom's body was weakening, we talked a lot about what was ahead. At times she was very accepting and at other times she wasn't. We discussed how perfectly natural this was-to be expected. In truth, her will and fear as well as her excitement and wonderment of the unknown of was before her drove her through each day. Mom knew the ultimate choice was being made for her, but she also realized that she got to choose how she lived each day that remained.
My daughter at the age of 25, is seeking and writing her own story. Living independently, choosing a profession that she enjoys and finding ways to meet new friends while getting acquainted in a new way to a city she has lived in all her life. She too, is following her breadcrumb trail. Some breadcrumbs have been laid out right in front of her as a beacon illuminating her path and others waiting to be discovered as if she was on the most magnificent of all treasure hunts.
As I walked along side of my mom and daughter during these stages in their lives, I realized that they have also walked along side of me during my life stages. In fact, all three of us have been presented with a proverbial cliff that our breadcrumb trail has led us to. A cliff that brings us emotions of fear, wonderment and choice. Choice to put on our squirrel suit and freely fly into the unknown.
For mom, it was the greatest unknown, the biggest scariest yet most enticing cliff of her life. One which presented no choice of turning back. Her choice lay in how she chose to live the days which remained. A choice which we are given. For my daughter, a choice to write the stories of the next chapter of her life. For me, I am now being given choice to heal, choice to awaken to the person who exists behind the masks and equally as powerful... freedom of choice because my next chapter is completely left up to me (with the input of my husband). For the first time in my life, I am not in the serving role. For the first time, I don't have large as life obligations.
I realize that we all have cliffs in our lives. This hasn't been my first. We can't escape them. Cliffs require some form of choice. Choice to move forward, move backwards, to live our life a certain way. The choice to awaken to the person we were on that first day when we were born-before families, cultures, societies and labels defined and affixed our outer mask on us for all to see and for us to live.
In some ways, this cliff is the scariest that I have come to yet. You see I have known how to live life based on other's parameters and expectations. They were defined and safe. This cliff takes all of those away.
For the first time I truly get to be the author of the next story line of my life without contributing writers or editors. It is both exhilarating and scary and at times I feel completely lost.
I realize that it’s at times like these that we are often given a choice. We can either choose to lean into the wind and fly to wherever our choice is taking us or step away from the cliff and walk back down the path filled with the well-known breadcrumbs which brought us to the cliff of choice in the first place. Giving us another choice to continue to live life the way we have been living it.
When I have been presented with times such as these, I usually have had someone coming along side of me such as my husband, daughter, friend or my mom when she was alive handing me my flying squirrel suit and then giving me that much needed push.
It has been interesting; my daughter gives me, and my mom gave me that much needed push in the form of their wisdom. My daughter is well read, smart and a very aware old soul. She is a listener so when she says something its usually the golden nugget that makes me quietly say" hmmm". Her words are powerful enough that they often lead me to challenge my own thought processes, beliefs and often make changes to myself if warranted.
My mother would produce a similar response from me, but her gentle pushes came from her sage advice. Her advice given through ancestral story telling or by example. All of which I miss immensely helped me to understand that life is a process, a series of story lines filled with good times and difficult ones. Ones that present as disguised growth opportunities.
So, as I stand today at this very specific time of great transition in my life, the path that has been brought on by following the path of being an Human Resources Executive and now Intuitive Growth Coach, wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend, I am being given a choice.
As I slowly put on the flying squirrel suit one leg at a time and one arm at a time my thoughts and emotions make me realize that with this cliff there is no choice but to lean in and fly into the wind. I realize that I am between two stories. The comfortable story I have been living for the last 25 years as mother and the last 56 years as daughter and over 30 years as Human Resources Executive. As I begin my new story, my story as mother has changed to more of a support role. My role of daughter is now one of Estate Executrix and when that is over my role of daughter is complete. My role has Human Resource Executive is now one as business owner and Intuitive Growth Coach and my role as wife continues in my own personal growth as well as our growth as a couple. Yet, there are still so many questions that I have and not many answers.
As I step out on to the cliff to fly, I envision that I am handed a fortune cookie. As I begin my flight to my unknown destination, I take out the little piece of paper tucked inside the cookie. There are 6 numbers that decide that I will play in the lottery when I land.
Then my mind drifts to my own questions…
Who was I uniquely created to be?
I may feel free but, is there something standing in the way of truly being who I am meant to be?
Do I want to awaken that unique part of me that was present on the first day that I was born and fully embody her?
Do I want to be a ripple of healing?
As I prepare for what I hope to be a soft landing, I turn over that little piece of paper that remains clutched in my hand and it reads...
THE CHOICE IS YOURS!
Planting a seed for thought….
Until next time, may your breadcrumb journey be illuminating, exciting and filled with “Aha” moments.
Elizabeth
